This quote, “I will not let thee go, except thou bless me,” is from the story of Jacob, when he wrestled with an angel through the night, refusing to surrender until the angel blessed him. This deliberate stance is the number one reason that I am still alive. One out of five people with bipolar one disorder tragically killed themselves. I decided that if I have been fated with such a dark and dangerous disorder, my personal choice has to be to endure and to make it pay for itself. If I am going to be affected by an illness that also creates havoc in the lives around me then I am going to learn from it.