Hello passersby. I thought I would just leave a short post indicating what I’ve been up to and how this site is going to go.
Part of this is that it is absolutely clear to me that I do not want fame and fortune. Blogs are a temptation to both, and so I have to be more clear to myself about why I am here. If I had even 100 followers let alone thousands it would drive me up a tree. I don’t have the time or the interest to answer or even to read a lot of comments.
But I do have an interest to make materials available to people that I would have very much appreciated earlier in my life.
In brief, I have been trying to decide how to spend the rest of my life. I’m encroaching on 60 years of life on this planet and I have become more and more aware of the fact that there is relatively little time left for me here. It is a common realization for those of us at this time of life. But for me it turns out that this website is not a particularly good use of that time. I plan to return here periodically and deposit some of the interesting knowledge and experience that I have gleaned over a lifetime of experience regarding bipolar disorder. But my main focus and energy is being directed to a different website.
Sometimes I have read my own blurb regarding this website: healing and transcendence of bipolar disorder. What does that mean? What hope is in that statement? I have come to realize after writing that phrase that for me “healing and transcendence” means that my life is now no longer centered around bipolar disorder. I was blessed with a wicked case of it. And bipolar disorder has seemed all-consuming at many points of my life. But I do not want to die that way. Healing for me in some sense means getting past it. It will still be there. I will never get away from taking lithium. But it is no longer a vortex at the center of this life. There are more important things for me to focus upon and do.
My new project, which will probably take me from now until I leave this place, is a form of Taoist chi kung that allows you to become much more healthy in this lifetime and to engage in practices which will help you after death. Enough said about that. But I think anyone passing through here who has bipolar disorder will recognize the draw of any philosophy or religion based on balance and the union of opposites.
When I entered graduate school , a program which was extremely competitive and only accepted less than 1/100 applicants, I watched how they chose those students for their program who were particularly perfectionistic . I saw that part of being accepted to and succeeding in graduate school was the requirement for this perfectionism and then increasing and honing it. I remember getting back my first version of a masters thesis covered in red ink. And my graduate advisor was actually a kindly old man who was trying to help me by teaching me how to write in that studious, overly correct manner. No I have to be careful about indulging in that and knowing when it is better just to be somewhat sloppy.
Because this website is no longer a priority for me it is instead more a trove of wisdom and insight that I am squirreling away to bequeath to those who are beginning or struggling earlier on the bipolar pathway. I can’t afford to spend time on a lot of editing and even necessarily spell checking. If I look at the material I will immediately want to start editing, and if I begin doing that I will no longer contribute to this website because my heart lies elsewhere.
So here it begins – a collection of well-thought-out essays intermingled with half baked thoughts, carelessly edited. I hope that even in its undigested state it is of use to someone.